


Merle Dixon, The Life & Times

by rachelarcher



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: AU/still zombies, F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-17
Updated: 2016-04-17
Packaged: 2018-06-02 19:53:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6580147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rachelarcher/pseuds/rachelarcher
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Slightly AU, in which Rick and Daryl are an established couple and have been since they were teenagers, Carl is Rick's younger brother. Merle has never loved anyone completely, but he was loved regardless. This takes place after Rick's meeting with the Gov. Merle and Michonne agree to attach the meeting, and the Gov is killed, however Merle disappears.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Merle Dixon, The Life & Times

**Author's Note:**

> I swear, I will get back to my series(s). The season finally has my brain messed up, and every chapter in the others I try to write, just comes out wrong, so for now I guess these little drabbles will have to do.

When Rick and Daryl’s kids - Jude and Mathew, as well as her two sons - Jesse and Mathias asked her to tell them how she and Rick met Merle and Daryl, she sighed heavily, and looked towards Rick, he just laughed and was headed out the door, Daryl already had his crossbow shouldered and was ready to go. He just shot her a look, then winked. “Try not to cuss to much, Meri.” He laughed openly then. Rick shrugged. She laughed, then called the four of them to her, a twinkle in her eye. The prison was safe, now, and as sad as she was, they deserved to know who Merle Dixon was. A small sigh escaped her lips and she looked at Daryl and Rick one last time. “The whole truth?” Both men stopped, and turned towards her, and answered almost in unison. “The whole truth.” By now more of their adopted family had trickled in. Beth, Carol, Maggie, Hershel, and Glenn gathered round her. She took a deep breath, brushed the hair from her face and started. 

 

-/-

 

My dad died in the fall, right before I turned 15. My mom married her grief counselor, John Robert Walker. And life went on for a while. Small town Kentucky in 1987…

 

Moving to Athens had been John’s idea. He had family down there. And my mom of course agreed. I was the oldest in our blended family. Was 16, I had one full brother, Luke, who was ten. John had three kids - Linda, 6, Mary, 3, and Jessica, 2, when my mom and him got married. His wife had some sort of cancer, and died instead of aborting Jessica. Mom and John had just had twins - Jacob and John Junior. 

 

Right away I was told in no uncertain terms that I was to stay away from the Dixon's. They were a set of brothers, the oldest was 27 at the time, his name was William and he had custody of the younger three. Thier father was doing hard time in some penitentiary around Atlanta, their momma had died in a house fire, most of the folks around there thought it was suicide. Merle was 18, Jesse was 16 and Daryl was almost 14. 

 

I remember the first time I met Merle Wayne Dixon. He was loud and flirting with the cashier at the boathouse. Her name was Melanie or something. Her father owned the house on the water we rented back then. He heard the jingle of the bell as I pushed the door open, and he looked at me sharpley. 

 

Its his damn eyes that drew me in, a strange almost teal color. His head was shaven, and he had tattoos. He looked gruff and rough around the edges, I ducked my head, lowering my eyes. Melanie laughed. I felt under dressed as his eyes danced over me. Barefoot, shorts I made myself from cut off jeans, and a black bikini top from last year that was much too tight. He pushed off the counter, stalked toward me.

 

He smelled like cheap beer, cigarettes, and motor oil. He was in my personal space, looking down at me, the moment I looked up, any thought of staying away was lost. Those teal green eyes locking on my hazel ones. He looked me up and down like I was food, a meal ready to be devoured, he brushed a wayward strand of brown hair from my face, taking care as he tucked it behind my ear. 

 

He was hot, to the touch and his fingertips ghosting my ear sent a ripple down my spine. “Names Merle Dixon, how bout yers cutie?”

 

It was a struggle to formulate thoughts, figured it out pretty quick though. “Meredith Smith, just moved here from Kentucky. Nice to meet you.” His eyes raked over me, he licked his lips and smiled like a predator, like a wolf. For a fleeting moment I was afraid. Then he moved his hand from my cheek, and slipped out the door. 

 

Melanie glared daggers at me, as I picked up the sunscreen my mother had sent me after. I paid and made my way out the door to see Merle Dixon astride the Bonneville he rode. “Need’n ah ride, Meredith?”

 

I'll be damned if I don't say at this moment I knew I shoulda walked away. There was about a million other things I shoulda done, but he was sitting there looking so damn nice. I swallowed hard and just nodded. My step dad was at work, and mom had left me in charge of the kids, with John’s two sisters, Kasey and Katherine. I'd only volunteered to go to the store ta get away from uhm. 

 

He gave me a toothy grin, so I climbed on behind him, arms tangled around him as he took off. That was the first of many bad decisions. I don't regret uhm none though. Loved him blindly. He dropped me off at home and tore away in a cloud of dust. The next day I met John’s step-brothers Rick and Carl Grimes. Rick was my age. Carl was thirteen. 

 

Rick and I both had a strong hate of being our younger siblings keepers. So the first chance we got we snuck off. Rick and I had no clue what we would stumble onto that afternoon. But, it forever changed our lives. We we're wandering through the back trails, barefoot. Rick in swim shorts and me in a mini skirt and tie dye crop top. Tan skin poking out. Rick was built but thin. The commotion drew us closer but we ended up crouched down watching the scene before us unfold. 

 

It had been about a week since I met Merle Dixon, and momma had informed me that he'd landed himself in juvie for something dumb. William and Jesse Dixon we're fighting, rolling on the ground, screaming at each other about Daryl. Daryl was laid out on the ground, a bloody mess. Rick covered my mouth, and we crouched even lower. When Will was done with Jesse he climbed into his truck and sped off. I musta said something about helping them because Rick was saying no. But I was already up and moving. 

 

I got to Daryl just as Rick got to Jesse. Rick managed to shoulder Jesse’s weight, and I ended up half dragging Daryl. It was Rick who said something about getting them back to Michael, his stepfather, who was a doctor or something. I agreed, and we hurried afraid of Will returning. 

 

-/-

 

She paused in her story as Michonne, Sasha, Ty, Lori, and Shane joined them. She searched the whole room, and her eyes landed on Carl Grimes, he had grown up rugged, and sure of himself. Andrea was posted up next to him on the wall, his arm slung round her. He had never heard specific parts of the story, so hearing them for the first time must have been interesting. She shrugged. “Should I go on…” Her children frowned at her, Jesse saying “Go on momma, ain’t never heard the stories with Uncle Jesse and Uncle Will in ‘uhm.” For good reason she thought, but she kept it to herself. 

 

-/-

 

Michael wasn’t pleased about us bringing the two younger Dixon’s into the house, but he stopped his bitchin when he was how busted up they were. Slept there that night. Daryl kinda fell in easy enough with me and Rick after that. 

 

That’s what really drew me in, not Merle courtin’ me. Bet ya’ll all thought this was some wonderful love story, let me clear that up real quick, nothing with Merle is a fairy tale. Ever. It was Daryl, looking like a kicked puppy. His sad eyes lookin at me like I was gonna hit him, when I changed his bandage the first time.

 

After that, when him and Jesse went home, Rick and I opted to sneak out every chance we got, even if it meant William yellin’ his head off at us. And he did, good lord he did. I have a scar on my rib cage… Well, that can wait, ain’t time for it. 

 

William was seeing Melanie hot and heavy, real heavy, so he sorta just stopped payin’ attention to his younger brothers. Rick and I found out real quick Daryl and Jesse loved to swim. Back in Kentucky I had been on the swim team, and wasn’t a sport Rick couldn’t pick up quick.

 

So we spent our days in the local swimmin hole. There was a couple floating docks out in the middle of it, scattered out. Those are important for later in the story, remember them, cos I might forget to mention they exist, reason I am bringing them up now, is the first time Daryl trusted me and Rick enough to take us out there, was the day Jesse and Will went to fetch Merle.

 

Daryl was a mess that mornin’, pacin’ round like a caged animal - guess’n ya’ll have all seen that, probably from all of us at least once, least us Dixon’s. Anyway, Rick and I made it out to him bout lunch, me with a sandwich just for him. See after the first time Merle took me home, Momma did her damndest to keep me from sneaking off. Even Rick’s mom Arlene wasn’t too fond of it, would curse up a storm ever’time she so much as thought we’d been out with the Dixon’s.

 

-/-

Glenn chuckled. “Ya didn’t listen any more back then then you do now.” Meredith just sighed. “Nah, we sure don’t listen, not like that, but Glenn even the children know to keep they’s mouths shut when a stories bein’ told.” Glenn blushed beet red, then grew quiet. Everyone around the circle laughed a little, and Hershel spoke. “Go on, Meri.” She sighed, and frowned for a minute, trying once more to find her place.

 

-/-

 

Where was I? Oh, Merley coming home. Welp, Daryl took us out to his spot, the one place he felt safe after losin’ his mom. Thier daddy was in jail for armed robbery, shoulda been a warnin’ sign. Anyways, by the middle of the summer when Merle got out, we had already settled into a routine with Daryl. 

 

That day we set off on our mission to make Daryl feel more comfortable, and discovered his world, hidden under the floating docks. Daryl loved to swim under them, they had air pockets, ya could hide down there forever, as long as yer arms could hold you up. 

 

I don’t know how long we had been down there, but Merle and Jesse were whoopin’ and a’holleran for Daryl, he swam out from under them, then we did, and the moment Merle’s eyes landed on me, he winked. I noticed right away the redhead, her name was Bernice by the way, tucked under his arm, lookin’ like a damn hood ornament…

 

Jesse had his favorite lady friend too, Melanie’s younger sister Emily. And William was there, snarling on the side of the pond, Melanie right behind him. “Get yer ass out, Daryl, got shit ta do, if yer little friends wanna come they can.” William shouted it at us.

 

Daryl looked at us for a long moment then said. “It’ll get ya in trouble, best go on home.” And that night, we did. Both Rick and I just swam across the pond to the far side where we could pick up the trail easy enough, I chanced a look back and saw Merle, his eyes on me.

 

-/-

 

She paused for a moment, this time on her own decision. “Need a drink, but it ain’t gonna be ah water, if’n I’m gonna tell this story, there are parts comin’ up I’m gonna need liqueur for.” She sighed. Carl nodded at her, disappeared then reappeared. “Your almost to Luke, huh Meri.” She only nodded, a sad smile on her face, as she took the bottle from Carl. “Sure am, babe.” Then she frowned one more time and looked at her kids, and Rick’s. There was some things they were about to hear, that maybe ten and twelve was too damn young to hear them at, but then again, there were dead folks eaten people. 

 

-/-

 

Didn’t see Daryl for a while after that, not until one night real late, that Merle came round the house, in his pick up, carried a busted up Daryl. Daryl had turned 14 that mornin, and William had beaten him for askin’ if he could have a nice birthday lunch. William had told him that thier momma was dead, and Daryl needed to get the fuck over himself.

 

Merle was a mess, sobbin’, worried sick over his baby brother. Merle always had a soft spot for Daryl, Daryl couldn’t do wrong in his eyes, no sirree, even back then I think Merle knew Daryl liked guys, think he knew just the in tha way Daryl looked at Rick. Michael took ta looking Daryl over real quick, I was stayin the night over with Rick, best place to sleep anyway, Rick already knew he like guys, and didn’t mind me cuddlin’ him. 

 

Used ta get pissed off when I’d call him uncle though…

 

Michael took Daryl on into the guest room, leavin Merle standing in the kitchen with busted knuckles and a bloody lip. Rick ordered him ta sit down, and I cleaned his hands off. Dabbed the blood off his lips too. He said my name soft and easy, just a low “Meredith, thank’s, doll.” 

 

I smiled at him, shit, I was already lost to him, just had ta figure out how to get him to really like me, didn’t realize how dangerous those thoughts were, at least not then. I hugged him, cause he looked like he needed one, he buried his face in my neck and I swear, it was like he was praying, to me, to anything that would listen. Daryl was pretty busted up, his left eye messed up, cheek jaw bone broken, but Michael managed to get him fixed up.

 

It was Rick’s momma Arlene who found me in the kitchen holding the older Dixon, and lord she lit into me, yanked me so hard, I saw stars, and popped me across the butt like I was a baby, Michael called for her next minute and she shot me a look that coulda killed me, instead I turned right around to Merle and whispered. “I have ta go ta bed, you get rid of yer redhead and I’ll go out with ya…”

 

I slipped off after that, and when Rick and I woke up both boys were gone. My mother quit her job to keep an eye on me and Rick. When that didn’t stop us from getting away, she told my baby brother Luke to follow us. 

 

It was two weeks after that, on a Sunday after church, that Rick and I managed to sneak off again, this time Merle and Daryl were already at the floating docks. We stripped down to our underwear and swam to them, climbing up on the dock beside them. Merle hauled me up.

 

Figured out that day that Merle and Daryl was thick as thieves, Jesse and William were thick as thieves, and ta never expect all four brothers to be lovin’ or on the same page. Daryl hauled Rick up, his nose still slightly crooked.

 

For a while we just stretched out on the dock and sunned. We were there maybe an hour, just in silence. Merle turned to me, and said “I can’t treat ya right, won't be good too ya, if’n yer chasin’ me girl, ya best be fast, cause I’s meant ta be free.” 

 

Before I could think on what he said, a splashing on the far side caught all our attention. It was a child, struggling. Rick and I both flung ourselves in the water, Merle and Daryl right behind us. For all the drinking and smoking, Merle beat us to the kid. 

 

My little brother Luke had followed us, and he had gotten caught in some rope that was floating off one of the docks, someone had some fishing shit tangled in it, it was dragging him down. Merle got him out, and on the muddy bank. Daryl was fast, doing CPR, and me, I was screaming for help. Rick waving his arms at the cars passing by. A car that was trailing down the road, happened to take pity on us, and Rick and I rushed Luke to the hospital with their assistance. Merle and Daryl standing on the side of the bank, just watching us. 

 

-/-

 

Her body shook for a moment, gathering in large gasp of air, and Hershel could feel the knot in his stomach. Carl was beside her in an instant, rubbing her hair, and telling her she could stop if she wanted to, but for the life of her now that Meredith had started she knew she couldn’t. Taking a shaky breath and a large swallow of the Jack Daniel’s Carl had produced she wiped her eyes and started again.

 

-/-

 

Luke was on life support for four days, and the looks momma gave me and Rick, they were full of hate. It was clear she was mad, and she wasn’t talkin’ ta me except to yell. Arlene had even taken to yelling at Rick. Both my momma and Arlene, who had become friends quicker than any two women apparently in the history of the world, took to praying by his bed. Swore it would be our fault if he died.

 

The mornin it happened, it rained like the heavens were pourin’ down. Last thing ah ever said to my baby brother, was ta leave me the hell alone, or he’d be gettin’ in trouble, never meant for him to die. Taught me and Rick a valuable lesson, though. Fate was a dangerous thing when it came to the Dixon’s, and bad luck was all they had. He died in his sleep, eyes closed and lookin peaceful, I’d of mistaken him for bein asleep, if’n tha machines weren’t beepin up a storm round him.

 

We never told our mommas that Merle and Daryl had been there. Instead we lied, said we was waitin’ for the Dixon’s and they never bothered to show. Didn’t see uhm for the rest of the summer, stayed close to home. Merle and Daryl came by to pay respects, managed to slip them a note. The rest of the summer, when I saw Merle, each time it was a different girl, and each time, I wanted nothin’ more than to punch said girl in the face. 

 

School started up in August. Rick and I found Daryl fast enough, and by September, we had found a way to see our Dixon’s again. The town Library, or at least that where our momma’s dropped us off at. Arlene usually took us and my momma picked us up. Drop off was four o’clock, pick up was seven. 

 

Merle’d be waitin’ round the block in the beat up truck. He sold his bike at the end of the summer to make sure Daryl had clothes to wear to school, he was the youngest and hand me downs only went so far. It was in the truck that they would wait. Rick would climb up the side, and then pull me up, Daryl’d be in the back waitin. Did a lot of homework in tha back of that truck, and Merle he would always be hangin’ round with a chick or with Jesse.

 

Rick and Daryl had formed a loose relationship at that point. Rick hovered a bit too close, and Daryl snuggled into him when he thought no one was lookin. Can’t tell ya how many times I’d slip into the cab, climbin’ through the back window and swelter in the heat that was Merle and Jesse just to give them space.

 

Remember the first they kissed. It was a dare, a fuckin’ dare. Jesse made it, it was late October, gettin’ closer to Halloween, when Arlene and momma decided we could be trusted to walk ourselves to the library, and that we could attend Meghan Bishop's Halloween Party.

 

Rick was so excited, lettin’ Daryl know our real plans were to go with them up to Athens for the haunted house, Merle had told us about the week before. Daryl was brimming with excitement to, our library days had been cut short with William home again, at the end of summer he had went back to jail, reasons unknown by me, never really cared to learn too much about good ol’ Will.

 

Jesse said straight faced, “We ought to play a game, since we got time this afternoon.”

 

Now, games with the Dixon’s we had learned either get ya hurt physically or they fuck with your mind. Today Merle chose, truth or dare. And Jesse got ta go first, since it was his idea. He said “Rick, truth or dare.”

 

Rick being the southern boy he was, declared loud and proud, “Dare.”

 

Jesse laughed so hard, Merle thumped him hard on his back. Jesse smiled a wicked grin, and said with the most gravely voice I ever heard him use, “I dare ya to kiss Daryl, on the lips.”

 

Daryl turned beat red, and Rick shot a curious look towards Jesse. I sighed, and looked at Merle, who looked somewhere between irritated and concerned. Rick looked at Daryl then, “That ok?” Daryl nodded once, and sharp, and small. Then Rick kissed him, soft and slow and sweet.

 

Merle coughed, breakin’ them up, cause Jesse had that wicked grin on, “Wait until I tell Will.”

 

“Ya ain’t gonna tell yer brother.” I snarled so low and my voice musta spoke volumes, cause Merle looked at me like I’d lost my damn mind.

 

“Hush, ain’t nobody tellin’ Will.” Merle snapped, I hushed real quick, and so did Jesse.

 

“It’s my turn now,” Rick’s all proud, cause Daryl didn’t run away. “Merle, truth or dare.”

 

Not one to back down, Merley smiled like Jesse had moments ago and growled, “Dare.”

 

“Dare ya to kiss Meri.” Rick ordered, like he was a king.

 

Let me remind you all right here and now, this ain’t some grand love story. I’d never been kissed before and was very much a virgin, ok. Merle looked at me, and he had that damn wolf smile on again, like he would just as soon devour me as kiss me, but he was already leanin’ across the truck bed.

 

I got my first taste of fire that night, and it had nothin’ to do with alcohol. Merle grabbed me by my hair, and yanked me to him, pressin up against me as hard as he could. Where Rick had been sweet with Daryl, and loving, I got tha flip of the coin. Merle’s one arm snaked around my waist, dragging me to his lap, and his other knotted in my hair, jerking me to where he wanted me, before his mouth crashed into mine.

 

He bit my lip hard enough if bled, and bruised my side, holding me too tight. When he let up, he was still grinnin’ like a damn wolf, and he pulled me in tight, whispered in my ear, “I’ll taste all of ya someday, and leave ya burnt up, like ah do all the others.”

 

Gotta give Merle credit, he never lied ta me, not once. He shoved me off his lap then, hard, and tossed me and Rick from the truck and told us to get on home. He tore outta the parkin lot for we ever made it to the front of the library.

 

-/-

 

“Meri, just a question.” Maggie justified her stopping the story as Meredith shot her a hard look. “If Merle was so… rough, why did ya chase after him.” Meredith smiled, a small smile and looked at Maggie. “Didn’t plan on it, and had the followin’ Spring been different, well…” Her voice trailed off. “Your talkin’ bout Melanie and the fire.” Carl looked her over as she nodded. “Never heard what actually happened in the woods that night, kinda more than interested.” Meri only nodded again. “Carl, there’s some things… well, you’ll see.” Rick was back in now, from his check of the outside world. Daryl wouldn't be back for a while. Rick sank down next to Jude and smiled at his ten year old daughter. She nestled into her dad, and Meredith sighed, starting again.

 

-/-

 

I decided I wasn’t gonna let Merle Dixon destroy me, if I was gonna be around him, fine, but I’d be damned if he got his way with me, and left me behind like he did the other girls. The Halloween party at the Bishop’s was a joke. Arlene dropped us off, with raised eyebrow. I dressed up like a cheerleader, and Rick was a sheriff. 

 

But we climbed out all the same, no sooner than Arlene got outta sight, then William honked the horn. William and Melanie were already curled up in the front. Jesse had Emily tucked to his side. Merle had some little girl whose name escapes me now, but I didn’t like her, and there was Daryl wavin’ at both of us. 

 

Carl was born on Halloween, so we was missin’ his birthday party and that was irritating to Arlene, but she had let it go, or so we thought. Guess she saw us leave, but I’ll get to that. I climbed right on up, and slipped into the seat between Merle and Daryl, while Rick glued himself to Daryl’s side, shoulder to knee, like they do here. 

 

The haunted house in Athens wasn’t much fun, no bother talkin’ long about it other than to say, Merle pissed his date off, and she stormed back to the truck, and his hungry eyes landed on me. I just stalked away, linkin my arm through Daryl’s free one, cause he had his other hand linked up with Rick’s, careful to hide it.

 

Let me just tell ya’ll Daryl was the only one who dressed up, wore a scarecrow costume, was the itchy shit. The older boys and their dates, didn’t even bother. Guess they didn’t see the need. Merle caught me round the middle in one of the rooms, and ended up separating me from the boys.

 

Rick’ll remember, he and Daryl looked all over for me, until they realized Merle was missin’ too. Either way, Merle drug me into a quiet room, some of his friends were workin’ the haunted house, and they offered him silence. First Merle just grinned at me. “Told ya, pretty little gurl, I’ll just destroy ya, saw the look on yer face when ya saw…” I don’t remember her name, just plug a girls name in there, “Looked like a kid whose candy’d been tak’n away.”

 

I hit Merle, punched him the way my father had taught me. My daddy was a cop. Hit him hard enough he snarled at me. Caught both my wrist and slammed me hard against the wall, pushin me up, and holdin my hands above my head, he was all in my space then, I could smell the beer, hadn’t realized they’d been drinking. “I brought ya in here ta apologize.” He snarled at me.

 

I felt like shit, completely shit, so I did the only think I could think of, pushed myself up, and slammed my lips on his. This by the way, everyone, set the pattern for our relationship, violence, and actions to speak, instead of voicing our opinions, our emotions. 

 

Guess we probably kissed for a while, cause it was Will that found us, and he hit Merle hard in the face, knocking him back, and me to the ground, a skinned up my knees, and scraped my palms on the wood in the room, it was an unfinished room. Will jerked me up, then screamed at me about makin’ him and Melanie late, and how we’d be in deep shit cause the Bishop party was probably long over, he was so strong, like a ox, threw me like a fuck’n rag doll.

 

I hit the wall, a nail that was protruding, sliced up my ribs, through my costume. Merle punched William, and they were all out fighting, when Daryl and Jesse found us, Rick and the girls on their heels. Rick picked me up and looked at Daryl, like it was Daryl’s fault.

 

-/-

 

“Hey now in a way it was, he told me ya would be safe with Merle, and you were my responsibility since ya were my niece and all.” Rick interrupted her, making her snarl. “Yes, and you protected me so well…” She groaned. “Let’s eat lunch, and then we can continue.” Hershel suggested. Meredith sighed. “If I tell all this story, yall best bet yer tellin’ some of ya’lls.” Carol was already breaking out the food, looking tired, as always. Axel and Oscar had wandered in, at this point. Once food was served, Meredith looked around again. “Want me to go on.” Everyone nodded, so she tilted her head back, “Where was I… oh the Halloween party.” 

 

-/-

 

The ride home was pretty bad. Merle shed his leather jacket and wrapped me up in it, since I was bleeding. William drove us by the Bishop house, and he was right, it was long over, so he let us out at their side of the pond, and we had to walk home,

 

Arlene, Michael, momma and John were waiting up for us. It was pretty damn close to midnight. Guess I best explain, momma and John were renting the house right next to Michael and Arlene. I could see Carl peaking from the top of the stairs.

 

That night, we got yelled at, so harshly, that after that it was John, my step-father, who drove us to and from places and no more library. Afterwards Michael stitched me up and Rick and I were sent to bed. The next four weeks we spent a lot of time doing chores our mommas dubbed necessary. Jesse got arrested for the first time since I lived down there, for assault on the girl Merle had taken to the haunted house. Apparently she was drunk enough she mistook Jesse to have been her date. 

 

Thanksgiving came, and with it the knowledge that seeing Daryl at school was not enough for either of us, even that was infringed on, we were always under the watchful eyes of some teacher. So when Daryl asked us to skip school the Friday after we returned from Thanksgiving break, to go with him to get his first tattoo, William was taking him, we agreed.

 

It was sketch from the go, the man - Junior had been a friend of their dad’s, and he didn’t need to be paid, not with money, said he had a job for Daryl and the boys to do. Daryl got those demons on his back, and Merle got the skull on his inner arm, think William got Melanie’s name on his heart, she was all smiles about it too.

 

The fella, Junior, was like got time for a couple more. So, me being who I am, was like, can I get one? Merle seriously snorted, but Junior agreed. See this one here, the quote “Veritas Aequitas” on my arm right below my elbow, that was the tattoo I got, didn’t bother to hide it. Rick got the one on his collar bone, the arrow. 

 

Merle watched me, with rapt attention, whole time, all of them boys, amazed I didn’t tear up didn’t so much as move, just watched with a careful eye. Rick on the other hand, was not to tolerant of the pain. They had a right good time teasin’ him.

 

This time we were beyond in trouble when we got home. Arlene pulled us outta school, took to homeschooling us. Wanted to keep us from the Dixon’s. Wanted to keep us from the danger. Shit, if they had only known, the danger was already in motion.

 

It snowed real good that December. Jesse was still locked up when William went to jail for a four month stent, something to do with drugs after our tattoos. Merle and Daryl were left to their own devices, Merle got a job in town, working at a garage, he took William’s spot, really. Daryl couldn’t always go to school, not that it mattered we were home schooled.

 

It was Christmas Eve, when I heard the tings of a rock against my window, and I opened it to see Merle, Daryl and Rick already out of the house next door, lookin up at me. That night, I snuck out of my room for the first time ever, even as I went over the lip of the window, I caught my step-father watching me, I just whispered “Be back, by dawn, promise.”

 

The Dixon’s took us back to the shack they lived in, and Daryl gave us a tour, we settled in on the couch, and Merle put on one of the few movies they had, which was a horror film. The four of us settled in. Eventually Daryl and Rick fell asleep together curled up under their own blanket, Rick’s arm around Daryl, and Daryl’s head on his chest.

 

Merle had snuggled as close to me as he could, eventually giving up, and dragging me into his lap, wrapping us up in a blanket, and resting his chin on my shoulder. My back to his chest, he whispered, “Ain’t gonna chase them other girls no more.”

 

“Why?” I asked, curious.

 

“Cause all of uhm together ain’t worth a tenth of ya.” That was the closest Merle Dixon would get to sayin’ anything along the lines of I love you to me for a long time.

 

I breathed in deep, then said, “Happy Birthday Merle, all ya’ll Dixon’s were born on holiday’s and I know you was born on Christmas.” Then I kissed his cheek and settled in against him, letting him keep me warm.

 

“Well, woman, what ya gotta say ‘bout whut ah said?” He asked, irritated.

 

“I appreciate the honesty, Merle, but ya told me once you were gonna burn me alive, and for now, I think I’ll let ya.” When those words sunk in, shit, his face lit up.

 

-/-

 

She paused again. “Jude, Mattias, Mathew, Jesse cover your ears until I wave my arms like this, ok?” She ordered, then waved her arms over her head to let them know when to uncover them. 

 

-/-

 

Merle didn’t waste any time, grabbed me up off the couch, threw me over his shoulder, and carried me off to his room. He shared with Daryl. Don’t even know if you know this Rick, but ya said everything. Merle tossed me on his bed, like I was a blanket, then he was on me, his mouth all over me. 

 

I don’t know how quickly he peeled my winter PJs off of me, but it was pretty quick. He was surprisingly gentle, although he teased me a bit at first when I managed to whimper out that I was a virgin. Wasn’t one when the sun rose.

 

-/-

 

She waved her arms and the kids uncovered their ears. “I didn’t know that, Meri, thought that happened much later.” Rick laughed. “Changes the way history plays out in my brain, however.” She laughed, and looked around once more T-Dog had stumbled in, with a couple of the Woodbury folks.

 

-/-

 

When the sun was starting to rise, Merle and Daryl ushered us across the lake, in the tree line Merle kissed me goodbye, and Rick kissed Daryl goodbye, and boy did we get our asses beat when we got home, I am pretty sure Arlene was working on convincing my mom at this point to send us to military school, or at least out of state.

 

Merle had marked me up pretty good, had a couple hickies and my lips were kissed red, and swollen. Rick looked like he’d been up to about the same as me in the early morning, and Arlene was struggling. I remember putting myself between her and Rick, when she asked him “Who's the whore the Dixon’s had for you.”

 

She looked like she’d been slapped when Rick snarled back at her, “Daryl ain’t a whore.”

 

The whole house was quiet, and Rick was gripping my shoulders so hard, I thought they were gonna break, my momma was livid. “And I guess you just took up with Merle huh?”

 

I didn’t speak right away. “If I tell you some bullshit, like I’m in love with him, and I’ll die if I never see him again, would you be more forgiving.”

 

She slapped me, hard across my face, I’d of probably crumbled but Rick was holding my shoulder’s still. “Don’t touch her again.” Rick warned, his voice low.

 

“Get your shit, and get out.” Michael snarled at Rick. “You won’t talk to your mother or your elders like that.”

 

Rick snarled, but did as he was told, darting up the stairs, and loudly packing what was his. I held my ground, I must have learned some things from the Dixon’s cause, a wicked grin lit up my face as I snarled. “Rick goes, I go.” 

 

I think that was probably the straw that broke my momma, and Arlene. Carl had been giving her trouble in his own right, he’d just turned fourteen and he was known to sneak to the arcade any chance he got. Because my momma didn’t fight me. 

 

Christmas of 1989, Rick was about to be eighteen, and I was seventeen, and we were kicked out of our houses. Rick and I both shot our younger siblings careful looks, and Carl who had spent some time with us and the Dixon’s nodded, he understood. We didn’t know it then, but that night set a series of events in motion that would change everything. 

 

-/-

 

“Welp, gonna go pee, be right back.” Meredith stood and left the room. Hershel was looking at Rick. “When did your mother marry Michael?” Rick turned towards him. “The year before John and Charlotte, that was Meredith’s mother’s name. So I had already been around Daryl some, we weren’t friends, but… I thought he was cute.” Rick paused for a moment. “Meredith and her arrival, and her damn determination to never back down is what led to me actually meeting Daryl.” Meredith returned not too long after that, and Hershel had a question for her. “Did you trust Merle?” Everyone paused and waited in interest for her answer. “Hell no, trust and respect came later. He was gasoline to my flame, then, he was trouble that I was begging to get into, he was in essence the mistake of a lifetime, and I was beyond ready to make it. Rick and Daryl, they seemed to already know whatever they was fallin’ into was the forever kind of thing.”

 

-/-

 

We got back to the Dixon’s and once we explained what happened, Merle explained we could stay there, but we would have to deal with Jesse and William when they got home, and that we had to be able to do whatever it was William wanted.

 

Daryl stopped going to school that spring, probably in late February about the time that Merle drove out to get Jesse and William. Let me pause here to say, William was a monster, when he was home any sweetness Merle or Daryl had towards me or Rick, disappeared, and quick.

 

Merle took to picking up girls with Jesse and William, and by that point, I was mad at him, enough that at night I slept in the bed with both Daryl and Rick, on the far side of the twin mattress, while Daryl and Rick snuggled as close as they could. 

 

Jesse and William were loud, and rough, and more than once Rick and I got caught in the crosshairs, Jesse drank just like William, and snorted meth, together they were a dangerous combination. Melanie found out she was pregnant with William’s baby in March.

 

March 18th to be exact is when fire caught, when fire emerged, and coated all of us in something dark. Merle and William got into a fight early in the day, a bad one, it ended with me getting a black eye, and Merle’s nose broken. It was too cold to swim, but that didn’t phase Merle or Daryl. Too many times in the last weeks, Daryl had borne the brunt of William’s anger, and at times Jesse’s.

 

Rick and I intervened when Merle wasn’t there, and at times it literally took the four of us to confine the two, but something felt different about March 18th of 1990. For one, Rick and I both swam in the cold ass water to the low end of the pond, directly across from the Dixon house, east of the houses Rick and I once called home.

 

When we reached the other side, we found both boys with a fire going, and situated next to two tents and some sleeping bags. “When shit got bad with mom and dad, would bring Daryl and Jesse out here.” Merle offered as I started stripping out of my cold layers, to press against him, and wrap up in the blanket he was in. 

 

Rick took my clothes and hung them next to Merle and Daryl’s, then he shimmied down to his boxers, and joined Daryl in the blanket. We settled in, and for a while everyone was silent. Merle draped his arm around me, then sighed. “Thought if I got Jesse and Daryl out, they’d be diff’rent, but Jesse ain’t.”

 

“Merle, it’s a’ight.” Daryl had said, low and grumpy.

 

But it clearly wasn’t to Merle. “Nah, baby brother, it ain’t, I ain’t much better, but… shit. You Daryl, yer the one that can get away, and ya will, Rick’ll take you far from here, if’n ya asked him, and me, girl, I’m gonna destroy ya, one kiss at a time.”

 

“Ya might, or maybe I’ll glue ya back tagether one kiss at a time.” I told him, they were big words, and at the time I didn’t mean them, but I would grow to mean them.

 

We settled into the camp, and even hunted up our own grub. Merle and Daryl were both convinced there would be times we needed to get our own meals for one reason or another, so we had to learn how to hunt and trap.

 

It was probably midnight, when Jesse swam across and said something had happened, he wasn’t clear on it. So we followed him back across. The house was a complete mess. Emily, Melanie, and William were dead. Merle and I went in, didn’t let Rick or Daryl. Jesse was pacing. “Ya did this?”

 

“Nah.” Jesse frowned. “Only Will.” 

 

“What happened?” I asked him.

 

For a long time, Jesse didn’t talk, then he looked at me, and grinned. “William didn’t want any more mouths to feed, but Melanie she wanted to keep the baby, and Emily, she wanted ta marry me. William just took care of the problems.”

 

“Why’d ya kill him?” Merle asked, eyes glancing between Jesse and the gun on the table, next to me.

 

“Was gonna kill me, swear it was self defence.” I don't think Merle believed him, I didn’t. To this day I believe Jesse killed them all. Merle and I looked at each other, then I grabbed the gun. I took it straight to Merle, and grabbed at the front of his shirt.

 

When he looked down at me, I said, “We can leave. Leave all our stuff here, burn the house to the ground, no one will follow us if they think we are all dead. We just get rid of the gun.”

 

“Get rid of it. RICK! DARYL! Get all the gas cans outta the shed. Jesse, don’t you ever ever try this shit again.” Merle snarled. He was the oldest now, the leader.

 

I took the gun from him, tucked it into my pants and returned to the water, it was freezing, I swam to the dock Luke had gotten caught on, and dove under. In the time since Luke died Merle and Daryl had cleaned it up some. Once under the dock, I found that like the others, there was a gap between the floating boards and the wood, I slipped the pistol into it.

 

By the time I was back across the lake, the house was up in flames, Merle was throwing more gasoline on it, and Jesse was behind the wheel of the truck. Rick and Daryl were loading Merle’s bike, and stripping down.

 

Merle had pulled a change of clothes from the house for all of us. He handed me a black cotton summer dress, and a pair of underwear, my old cowboy boots already in the bed of the truck. He tossed blue jeans and t-shirts at Rick and Daryl, then converse. He had already changed clothes. He wrapped his leather jacket around my shoulders after I changed, and pushed me into the bed of the truck.

 

Rick, Daryl, and I snuggled together, and passed out, against Merle’s bike as Merle and Jesse drove us away from the fire, the blaze. Merle tossed our wet clothes some time later. When I woke up, we were Mississippi. 

 

-/-

 

“We should break for dinner, Daryl is probably going to be out overnight.” Michonne suggested. “You know he likes to get several animals if possible.” Meredith nodded. Everyone knew that was a lie. Merle had killed the governor with Michonne's help when Rick had went to meet with him, however, Merle and his car had disappeared. Daryl had spent the last several days scouting the area, and the first chance he got - this morning, the first excuse really, they were low on meat, and he had to go and fetch some more. He was out looking for Merle - walker or alive. “Sure, sure, then I can continue on. We still got a long ways to go.” Everyone started moving around, stretching and looking at Carol. “Yea, got two more years before these fuckers come back for me.” Carl snarled. “Yea, and that was just enough time for you to turn into a little shit, that momma didn’t miss anymore than she missed me.” Rick snapped. “Gonna go take a look around the perimeter, Michonne ya with me?” They ate dinner, then everyone darted to get pillows and blankets, and curled up together, in the makeshift dining room. “Please, continue, Meredith.” Maggie begged. “This some romance novel for ya?” Meredith joked but, sighed and continued on.

 

-/-

 

We bounced around, for a while. Ended up in Reno. Merle sold the bike from the house, there, it was William’s Triumph, later he would get a new Bonneville, but…

 

Merle came to us, with more money than just the bike was worth, and Jesse didn’t come back with him. We got a nice hotel, real nice, the suite we got had a huge ass bathtub in it. It had been weeks since any of us had bathed. Merle locked the door, put a chair up against it. 

 

Let me know Jesse probably had no clue where we were. We all stripped down, and climbed into the tub, we’d been around each other long enough now it didn’t matter. We were all looking scruffy, and Daryl dunked me under the water and immediately started washin’ my hair out, tryin to get the tangles out. 

 

We stayed in the tub until the water was cold, drained it, and refilled it. The water was hot enough all our skin was red, and raw from the scrubbing. We realized it was Rick’s 18th birthday, and that Merle had turned 20 somewhere along the way. 

 

I’d turn 18 four months later, in August, in Texarkana, but we will get to that. Rick and Daryl had a pillow fight, a big one, and ended up falling asleep watching television. Merle was out on the patio, smoking, when I padded out to meet him. 

 

“Left him in a bar.” He said after a long time. “Little fucker got into a fight, huslin a game of pool, I took the money, Meri, and fuck’n ran.” Merle was quiet for a while after that.

 

“What was the bar?” I asked.

 

“The Cadillac Lounge.” Merle grumbled back to me.

 

I nodded, then left the hotel, asked for directions from the first person I met on the street. Made it to the bar, to see Jesse on the curb, holding his sides in his hands. I musta looked silly, in tha hotel robe, my hair all up in a bun. Jesse looked up at me and smiled, “Knew one of ya’d come, but not Merle, since he took tha money.”

 

I helped Jesse up, and realized he wasn’t going far. He’d been cut, bad, across his waist. We walked as far and as long as he could. Ended up in the alley by hotel. Merle, he’d watched from the balcony, made it down to us. 

 

The look on Merle’s face will be with me the rest of my life. Me and Merle lowered Jesse down, and he looked up at me, touchin’ my face, and smiling. “Yer too damn good for his dick.” He told me, smearing blood against my chin.

 

Merle growled, but it was no use, Jesse closed his eyes, and didn’t open them again. For a long moment I just stared at him, then stripped the robe off, standing almost completely naked in the alley. I covered him, and felt tears on my cheek. Merel grabbed my upper arm, jerked me back to the room, woke the boys, and we left.

 

We never went to Reno again. Had about two grand left. After that, Merle changed his attitude. I spent a lot of time curled up in the cab of the truck, my feet out the window, head against his lap. Daryl and Rick watched the world pass by from the bed of the truck. 

 

We didn’t stop for a long time, after that. The truck gave out in Texarkana. Merle managed to get us fake ID’s, we used my last name, there are Smith’s everywhere. I gotta job at the dinner, and both Merle and Rick found work around the town. Daryl was younger then us, barely 16, and not able to work.

 

He mostly hung around the library, it was Daryl who did the research, found out that the Dixon murder/suicide was a closed case. Seems the police in good ol’ King County didn’t give two shits about us. Decided William musta lost his mind, killed us all and burned the house, my momma raised the question about the missing truck and the clothes down the road, but no one cared enough to look.

 

The old sheriff even went as far as ta tell momma that if she loved me, and if Arlene loved Rick we’da never been round the Dixon’s to start with.

 

The diner and garage were pretty good about paying in cash and at the end of two months we had enough money to patch the truck up and head North. The last day we were in Texarkana I turned 18, that night, Rick and Daryl asleep in the bed of the truck, Merle held me close, in his lap, and petted my hair. He whispered, “There’s gonna come a time, darlin’, when yer body’s gonna be worth more than any odd job we can pick up, since we ain’t able to stop anywhere, not for a while, best be ok with that idea.”

 

Didn’t answer him, I had already reached that conclusion. Didn’t realize how soon it would come to pass. We made it to Wichita Falls, Texas, and the first night we were there, Merle parked outside a bar, and slipped in with his fake id. Me, Rick, and Daryl snuggled up in the bed of the truck, watching the stars.

 

Merle stumbled out some time later. A man behind him, who looked more than pleased. Merle had lost all our money. All that we had saved up, I was furious. His last bet, it was me. Merle looked at me, almost apologetically.

 

Rick and Daryl both looked confused, but I stood, in my black tattered summer dress, and climbed out of the bed of the truck. Merle caught my arm and lowered his mouth to my ear, “I’ll make it up ta ya.”

 

I just rolled my eyes and trailed behind the man, into his car. Had the worst bruises on my body I’d ever had the morning after, the man Merle lost to, he tossed me outta the car like I was trash, then went home, after putting his wedding ring on. 

 

-/-

 

Rick had returned, his eyes narrowed. “Never knew that first night that was what happened, figured out some time later, that you paid his debts that way, when he needed you to.” Michonne was looking her over, as if her idea of Meredith had changed somehow. Finally she said, “No wonder you kill so good, got a lot of demons to murder.” Meredith rolled her eyes and clicked her tongue.

 

-/-

 

Managed to steal some money while the dumb fuck slept. For the first time I drove, and I drove straight through Oklahoma and into Missouri. We found a town there, small little place called Hope, where we settled in for a while.

 

Merle chased women, for a while in the town. Daryl and Rick were getting closer, spending more time together, and Merle was gone a lot, so I made a friend, one that would almost destroy everything, but…

 

His name was James. Don’t recall his last name, but we were nearing the end of 1990, so it was probably around Halloween. Told James that Merle was my brother, and so was Daryl.

 

James came round, asked me out, and I gladly went out on a date with him, it was nice. Don’t make faces, kids, told you this was not a romantic grand love story. James was a cop. Learned that when I was out with him, ended the date early, and went home.

 

Merle was furious, and the fight that ensued had the police responding to the hotel room, a couple hours later, and who is the cop? James. I’m standing there in a ripped t-shirt, and underwear, Merle in his boxers, Daryl and Rick snuggled probably naked in one bed, television on, both desperately trying to ignore us. 

 

James got involved, and sent his back up away, saying he knew me and the situation would be easy to sort out. When the door shut, Merle rounded on him. “You the fucker took my bitch out?”

 

“I’m not your property!” I remember shouting that, and slamming my fist into him, Merle’s response was to slam his arm out, hitting me in the chest, and knocking me down, me gasping for air.

 

James said something about domestic abuse, and how if Merle was my brother, he needed to let up. That’s when Merle rounded on me. “You told him I was yer brother?”

 

“Yea, yer chasin everyone else's ass, didn’t need me no more after ya made me take care of our fuck’n debt in Witchita like I’m a fuck’n bank.” I snarled back, standing, and squaring my shoulders, feet planted, and growling. 

 

“Shit, Meri, how many times I gotta tell ya, I'll burn ya up, those girls keep me from destroyin’ ya, you couldn’t handle me 24/7 yer too damn innocent, baby, ‘m sorry.” Merle was holding me then, pulling me into his arms, holdin’ me close.

 

James musta pieced things together, and was sizing up Daryl, cause the next words he said almost got him killed. “How old is that boy, I know Rick and Meri are 18, but how old is that one.” 

 

Merle and I both looked over at Daryl, to see him tucked tight to Rick, his head on Rick’s chest, and Merle cocked his head, tilting it back towards James, Merle hit him hard enough it knocked him off his feet. He hit his head on the side table, and the next thing I knew we were out the side door of the hotel, and on our way to anywhere but there. 

 

We spent most of the next year blowing through Tennessee and Kentucky, avoiding my hometown - Paducah. 

 

New years of 1992 found all four of us looking vastly different. Ricks curly hair was to his shoulders. Merle's was looking more dashing then I remembered, dark brown curls on his crown, and a beard. Daryl's hair was about like now. And my brown hair was a long tangled mess on most days. We had left a coal town in Kentucky in the dead of night because Merle had made a comment he shouldn't have. And we were further north than we had ever been before. 

 

Floyd, Virginia with it's little sidewalks and retirement culture hadn't noticed us when we set ourselves up in a field. Didn't care when we got jobs and started to grow roots. For the first time since the fire had darkened us, I could feel a change.

 

I snuck a call home, talked to Carl. Arlene had taken all her frustrations out on him since we were apparently dead. Didnt sit right with me. I didn't mention it for a while though.

 

Merle and I were probably the happiest we had been. Found equal footing is what Rick said. Merle did not like other men touching me is what it boiled down to and I sure as shit didn't like him touching other women. So we fell into a relationship that was equal parts possessive and passionate.

 

Floyd almost was home until Carl called. Merle answered the call at the grocery store we all we're working at, and his face turned dark. Instantly he called for Rick and we left the jobs and Floyd that evening. It was the longest we had been anywhere since we ran. Almost six months.

 

Arlene had thrown Carl out. He was sleeping in one of the old abandoned tents long ago left behind by the Dixon's and had managed to get enough money saved up for a proper sleeping bag and a phone call.

 

We made good time to get to Carl. Rick went with Daryl to fetch him. Me and Merle we had other shit to do. Namely visit my momma. The look on her face, God, seeing a ghost didn't do her any favors. 

 

My lips kissed red, neck marked up, tattoos, and Merle hangin round my neck, her face was priceless. I just waltzed right on in and said. “AIN'T here for much, just some money to disappear again. Since I'm dead.”

 

Merle snarled at her, looking round the house. He was always looking for shit to steal. He took a couple pictures of me off the walls, snatched uhm and glared at momma to try to stop him. She handed me all the cash she had. “Yer daughters mine. Ya made her mine by keepin her away. Ain't her neck pretty.” Merle was aiming to teach my momma a lesson about being judgmental, cept I could see it weren't gonna work. “These right here, momma. Are love marks.” he snarled the word love as he jerked me around and tugged my shirt up, showing the handprints that littered my body, Merle was never gentle not like the one time that first Christmas, he was rough and rowdy in all definitions of the words. 

 

My mommas face just paled. Being a cop's widow, where Merle was showing her our form of love she saw the hand prints of abuse. She looked ready to plead with me when I turned and walked outta her house and never looked back. 

 

Carl hugged me so tight I thought he was gonna squeeze the life outta me. Merle had turned 21, me and Rick we're 19, Daryl was 17, and Carl 16. We left King County behind again, this time landing in Mobile, Alabama.

 

It had been real hard, with Daryl under 18, but now with him and Carl both under 18, the truck and the lone bike were gonna be a problem. Merle was on the bike, ahead of us, with Rick driving the truck, Daryl stretched out beside him. Me and Carl snuggled up in the bed of the truck.

 

Unlike Floyd, those in Mobile noticed when we parked on the outskirts of town, and definitely took an interest in our planting roots, we didn’t stay long. Least most of us didn’t. Merle spent three weeks in jail, and I headed the rest of us to Miami. He was charged with drunk in public that time.

 

It was in Miami that the Merle most of ya’ll met really started to form. By the time he got there, all of us had squared away jobs working as migrant orange pickers, and lived in the camps that were situated between the farms. Most of the folks with us we're mexican. 

 

When Merle got there, he was different, the three weeks in jail had changed something in him, musta been different from little town jails. Either way, he was messed up. First time Merle ever broke my nose, was tha night he came roarin’ into the camp on his bike. Strung out, crystal meth, when I opened my arms ta hug him, he punched me, knocked me flat, and the other three boys was on him.

 

I spent all night nursin’ his wounds once Daryl forced my nose back inta place. Merle had fallin’ inta the old trap that William and Jesse had, fightin’ his demons with drugs. A better woman mighta walked away, shit a better woman mighta been able to cure him. But nah, I came second for a long time, to the high he would chase, second loved, with drugs winnin the race.

 

The next mornin’ he apologized, told me he loved me for the first time, and held me to him, curled up ‘round me like I was God, and he prayed like he had that night he brought Daryl to Michael’s all those years before. Beggin’ for forgiv’nance, like I could fix that whole world.

 

The four months we spent in Miami, he only delved deeper into drugs, and the more he smoked, drank, and snorted, the more the four of us grew quiet. It’d been me, Merle, Daryl, and Rick against the world for a long damn time. And for a while it seemed like it was me, Daryl, Rick and Carl, fighting the world ta save Merle from himself.

 

He got locked up in Miami, drug charges, spent two years in prison. The four of us grew roots. By 1994, Merle was 23, Rick and me was 20, Daryl was 19, and Carl was 18. The day Merle got outta jail, he did something he would do for the next ten years, immediately looked for a fix. We left Miami a week later, because Rick and I agreed he was only gonna get in trouble again.

 

We stuck to small towns after that, ended up in Butte La Rose, which is in St. Martin, Louisiana - not far out of Lafayette. It was there in the small parish with just Daryl, Rick and Carl watching that a backwoods preacher married me and Merle.

 

It was Merle's way of sayin he was gonna do better, or at least try to. I guess us five sorta just knew we'd be together for that long haul. We got married on the Fourth of July, 1994. Fireworks lit up the night's sky, and for the first time since we ran, we had a house. Little bitty two room shack pushed back on the swamp. Merle and I shared a room, Daryl and Rick shared a room. Carl slept on the couch. We was growin deep roots, found jobs. 

 

Merle and Daryl found work in a machine shop. Rick managed to enroll in the police academy, dunno how. Carl was working as a grocery bagger, and I took a job at a local bar called Southern Nights. Was a seedy little dive bar, where sometimes their we're dancing women on the bar.

 

We were renting the shack, and most of the time I paid the rent in crumpled up bills. Between tips and bein paid under the table we we're making a good go of it. Merle still was roudy, he got in bar fights, drank, ran his mouth. Spent more time in the small parish jail on the weekends then at home. 

 

By November Rick was a certified, bonafide cop. He joined the parish police force. More often than not he'd lock Merle up then call me, at the bar, and let me know. The nights grew colder and in early January Merle did something real bad.

 

The bar I worked at often pulled waitresses from the floor ta dance on the bar top on Saturday nights. I drew the short stick. All my boys was in there that night, and Merle was on the fightin side ah drinkin. Rick had already had to break up two almost fights, when the bar keep - man named Jeremy, told me to get up there.

 

I tried hard ta warn him, it weren’t end’n well, not with Merle already so damn hot under the collar, but he didn’t care ta listen. He just hauled me on up there, and ordered me ta dance just like the other girls. Damn fool. One of the local regulars, man named Gareth, started to grab for my legs, his voice taunting me, and his eyes leering over me. Gareth had been more’n vocal in the past bout how he felt I’s the perfect woman ta him, even if’n I was married already, all them fellas used ta guff and say I didn’t have no ring, so Merle must not love me much.

 

But they didn’t understand, didn’t need no damn ring ta know, I’d caught him. Fair and square, I’d won tha war. He might have a wonderin’ eye and hands that were not always on me in the dead of night, but Merle gave me his treasure - his heart and his tears. And that, that was enough for me.

 

Anyways, Gareth reached up, and rubbed down my thigh, my face musta went pale, cause he just winked and went to grab for me. Merle was on him in a second. Slamming Gareth’s head into the bar top. Rick and Carl helped me down, and soon all of us - me, Rick, Carl, and Daryl, were draggin’ Merle away. Or at least we was tryin’ to.

 

Didn’t work, Merle was more like William when he was drunk, and sturdier than a man eight beers in shoulda been. Knocked me and Rick off like we was nothin’, slammed Daryl down, then knocked Carl off his feet. Then he was back on Gareth. Repetitively slammin’ his head into the bar top. 

 

Rick drew his python, ready to shoot Merle ta stop him, when I grabbed the gun, and hit Merle hard in the back of the head with the butt of it. Gareth slipped to the floor, blood pooling around him, with Merle right beside him. Took the four of us to carry Merle outta the bar, and into the police cruiser that was waitin’ for him. Lou Montane, was Rick’s partner at the time, he drove Merle in for assault, and Rick and I took Gareth to the parish ER.

 

Carl and Daryl paid the bar keep for his broken bar stools and the busted bottles with the last of the rent money. They took the truck on back to the house, and waited. It was round three in the mornin’ when Rick and I made it back to them. “Gareth’s family is pressin’ charges.” Rick sighed.

 

“How long will that put Merle in jail?” Carl asked. I was pickin at my blue jeans, blood on them from both Gareth and Merle.

 

“A couple years, maybe more. We’ve moved around a lot, as long as they don’t run his prints, ought to be fine. Lou mentioned I ought to transfer to somewhere else, take ya’ll with me, and fetch Merle when he gets out.” Rick pinched his nose.

 

“I don’t know about ya’ll, but California sounds nice.” Daryl slurred the words, his eyes dancing.

 

Daryl had this thing about the Oceans, he’d swan in the Gulf of Mexico when we was in Texas, all of us had. He’d been in the Atlantic, when we’d been in Florida. Now he had sat his eyes on the pacific. “Yeah, they are lookin for folks to work on oil rigs out there.” I muttered.

 

When the sun rose, Gareth was dead. Lou for some reason, and I will never understand this, brought Merle to the house and looked sharply at Rick. “I put in your request to transfer to California after you called me last night, it was approved. I’m gonna pretend someone else bailed him out, dunno who yet, but get gone. I know there is somethin ya’lls hiding, but just… go.”

 

Lou handed Rick a big folder of some sort, and the next thing I knew, Daryl and Carl were on the bike, headed down the road, Merle was passed out in the bed of the truck, and Rick was stretched out in the passenger seat of the truck, me driving. “I got 800 bucks, that ought to get us to where ever we are headed.” 

 

“Place called Goleta, California - there's apparently an offshore oil rig not far from there.” Rick pinched at his arm, something he did and still does when he gets nervous.

 

“Seems like yer buddy Lou thought ‘bout everything.” I told him, and Rick just nodded.

 

Later that night we loaded the bike up, and Merle was pushed up into the front seat, still not talk’n much, he passed out with his head in my lap and his legs out the window. Carl, Daryl, and Rick fell asleep in the bed of the truck, limbs tangled. 

 

-/-

 

“I can’t believe a cop helped you guys, and let Merle get away.” Andrea spoke, the sun was beyond setting outside the prison, and more folks from Woodbury had joined in, one a boy named Zach was cuddled up to Beth. “Well, to be fair, Lou’s wife was the town doctor, and me and her had a secret, so I’m reckon’n Lou thought he was savin’ me the pain.” Meredith laughed, her voice smooth. Carl and Rick smirked at each other, then Jesse tugged at his momma’s pants. “Come on, momma, keep going.”

 

-/-

 

It was a long drive. Two days into driving to Goleta, we stopped and phoned the people who operated the oil rig. Secured three jobs - for Merle, Daryl and Carl. Rick phoned in about his placement at the police station, learned he was going to be helping the cold case folks most of the time, and found he had more of a desk job, reckon it didn’t bother him. As usual it was agreed I would just find a job once we got there.

 

When we finally made it, we put the last of the money we had down on a shitty apartment, fifth floor, overlooking the ocean, if you squinted you could see the oil rig. Goleta wasn’t too far outta Santa Barbara, maybe ten miles. It was the biggest place we’d ever been through, lots of people. 

 

A man met Carl, Daryl, and Merle at the harbor, to take them to Platform Holly. I drove uhm out there in the truck that mornin’, kissed my boys goodbye, they’d be out for two months then home for a week, then out again. It was February of 1995, and the warm sand under my feet made me think hard about the decisions we had made. Out here we were using the Grimes last name for all of us. Rick had to use his real name for his police job, and his social security number. He had never been listed as missin’ and without a body Arlene had never been able to declare him dead, so it worked out for the most part.

 

I kissed Merle goodbye and he held on tight, he had his stash of drugs, I could feel them against my chest when I hugged him and I shot him a look. I had packed his bag for him, and knew he was gonna get a big surprise later tonight when he went lookin’ for his tooth brush. 

 

Back in Butte La Rose, I had found out I was pregnant with you, Jesse. Just a little, by the time we landed in Goleta I was about 16 weeks along. And just starting to show if you looked hard enough. Rick knew, but the other three didn’t. Figured it would give them somethin’ to think about while on the oil rig. 

 

It was hard for me to find a job in Goleta, simply because I wasn’t from around there, and had never finished schooling. Ended up working at a bowling alley, runnin’ the cash register and making the greasest food I had ever seen. Rick excelled at his desk job. 

 

My name tag irritated me, it said Miss Mary Grimes, and as I had pointed out to the boss thousands of times, that weren’t my name. My name was Mrs. Meri Grimes. Spelling is ever’thing. But, no wedding ring, must mean I weren’t married.

 

Rick contemplated buyin’ me a ring himself, but I told him that it was Merle’s job and not his. Rick and me spent a lot at time tagether, makin’ that crappy apartment a home. Getting three beds, no couches, and situating curtains that hung around the beds, so each of us would have some level of privacy. There was a small kitchen, more like a closet that had a stove in it, and a washin’ machine, but no drier. Rick and I had made a close line that ran from the balcony porch we had, across the apartment and out the other side’s widow. Onto a tower that I am pretty sure was for power, didn’t matter to us. Window and balcony doors stayed open all the time. We were five stories up.

 

After their first two months on the water, I was six month’s pregnant and definitely showing. Rick went ta fetch them, and what shoulda taken an hour took three. Merle had wandered away from the docks, and got a fix. Rick was furious, and i was too at first. But Merle in all his stoned wonder, produced a small diamond ring, clumsily slipped it on my finger, and said, “Yer worth a thousand ah each ah them whores.”

 

He passed out on the floor then. Carl and Daryl laughed. They were burly, muscular and hungry. All three of them were dog tired, and after shoveling food into their mouths, crawled in bed. Rick worked night shifts mostly, so he had eaten then left. Carl and Daryl heaved Merle into bed, and stripped him down, covered him up. Then they stripped and climbed into bed themselves. 

 

I gathered all their clothes up and washed them that night, hung uhm out to dry. They’d only taken a couple changes of clothing out on the rig, and to be honest none of us had more than three changes of clothing. Rick’s work uniform was provided, and most of my time was spent in loose dresses back then.

 

I made breakfast the next morning, lookin down at the pretty little ring on my finger, and felt tears wellin’ up in my eyes. I felt Merle’s arms round me before I heard him get outta bed, musta been in my own world. Standing in the kitchen, Merle in his boxers, and me in a pale green summer dress, both barefoot, we danced for the first time.

 

It was more of a sway while I worked kind of thing, but his face was buried in my neck, and his arms around me, the ring on my finger, and the knowledge of him being home had me grinning. “Gotta doctor’s appointment taday, think ya can come?”

 

“I’s plannin’ on goin out, darlin, but yea.” Merle kissed my forehead, and the grin slipped away from my face. I fed Carl and Daryl, then ate my own plate while Merle showered. When we left the apartment, he had his arms around my shoulders, and was pulling me tight to him. “Don’t like it out on the water.” 

 

“Why not?” I asked, leadin’ him towards the clinic.

 

“Ain’t safe, none of it. Man died a week ago out there, sea just took his body.” Merle told me, a shiver runnin’ down my spine.

 

“Merley, I’d rather ya be out there then in jail.” I told him, he nodded.

 

That was the day we learned Jesse was a boy, and Merle decided to name you Jesse. Wanted to fix his mistakes he told me, but after the clinic he kissed me goodbye, and gave me half of his cashed paycheck, then was gone. 

 

Oil riggin’ is good money. Merle handed me almost two thousand bucks, but I recoiled at first, cause I knew he meant to cause trouble. I frowned, then headed back to the apartment. Rick had gotten home, and we were counting all the money we had. 

 

Altogether we’d managed to save up 5000 just from two months. I put it all in the pillow case, then tucked it under Carl’s mattress, which is where Rick and I decided to keep the money. I told them about my day with Merle, and Rick phoned the police department to let them know that if they picked up a Merle Grimes to call him, first. 

 

Merle didn’t come home for the next three days. Guess he got whatever he needed to out of his system. Cause once he was home, he was fussin up a storm at us for not getting things for his baby. That afternoon, me, and three muscular rough looking men ambled into a local store called “Babes and Kids.” We bought a crib, and some other things, Merle liked picking out clothes, him and Daryl both. I understood it though, they had never had nice things in their lives. Had to remind them that babies would grow fast, and not to buy a lot in each size. 

 

Carl was more practical, picking out a carseat we could use for a while, and a diaper bag. Rick and Carl were always worried about when we would have to run again. For a fleeting moment, I seriously thought we could make Goleta our home, just like I had mistakenly thought years before that Floyd could be our home.

 

Carl, Daryl, and Merle returned to the oil rig, and Rick and I resumed our normal schedules. I had three months to go, and was relieved that Merle would be home one more time before Jesse was born, however, Jesse didn’t wanna wait.

 

Jesse James Dixon was born two months early. On June 9th Rick rushed me to the hospital, and 43 hours later, I held you for the first time. You were small and the doctor didn’t think you would make it, said you were weak cause one of your parents used drugs before you were conceived. I was so angry at Merle, he almost killed our child, and he didn’t even know it.

 

Rick and I took you home, almost three weeks after that, with about a week to go before Merle, Carl, and Daryl were due to come home. Bad storms rocked the coast for the next eight weeks, and it was too dangerous for fairy ships to go between the shore and the rig. Jesse, you were three months old the first time your daddy held you.

 

I wish when the world went crazy I’d of thought to grab two boxes from my closet, all along the way I took pictures, lots of disposable cameras documented our lives. Pictures of us in places, of us working, of us… just living on the road. In 1999 I had all the boxes of disposable camera’s developed, but they're long gone now. One of my favorite pictures, was the one of Merle holdin ya for the first time, and then Daryl, and then Carl.

 

It was around that time that Daryl told Rick he wished they could have kids. Fate has a funny way of givin’ ya things. This time Merle didn’t leave the apartment until his fourth night home. Spent lots of time with me and you Jesse. Sang songs ta us both. Then on the fourth night, he got restless. “Go on, let yer demons out.” I told him, and he did. 

 

Rick found out he'd been arrested the morning they we're supposed to head back out on the rig. Merle had gotten caught with several things. Drugs, being the main one, an unregistered firearm, and the pretty little thing on his arm was under age.

 

Daryl and Carl would hopefully be able to get Merle his job back once he got out. But he was sentenced to 18 months, with the promise of early release for good behavior.

 

Maybe a week later Rick responded to a call, that changed our lives. A baby girl left in the dumpsters by a hospital. Rick begged for the little one to come home with him, the department might have said no. But I quit my job and Rick told them that I was the best mom for the job. So little Jude came home. We dipped into our savings which had grown a bit.

 

Bought another truck, and some more baby things. Namely some clothing for the baby Rick had called Judith. No one claimed her, and Rick was able to adopt her.

 

We got a call from the oil rig letting us know that Carl and Daryl we're picking up extra shifts. Gonna stay put the next several months, was the bosses only way of keeping Merle's position open. And so time passed. We sort of lived in limbo, Rick and I. Playin with Jude and Jesse as well as waitin for our family members to come home. Jude came in October if I remember right, and was formally adopted by December. So, in April Carl and Daryl came off the rig. It was now 1996.

 

-/-

 

“Where is your ring?” Sasha asked from somewhere behind Maggie, huddled up with her brother. It was late now, and Meredith knew they should be headed to bed. “Took it off, a while ago, it's in our house, in Athens.” She sighed. Carl coughed, “Her and Merle, they had ups and downs, were just gettin’ to the good parts, go on, Meri.” He urged, he and Andrea had sunk down next to Rick and the kids. 

 

-/-

 

Where was I… oh, 1996. That was a year. Merle got released not for good behavior, but because the prison was overpopulated, and he was a nonviolent offender. He went straight for a fix, then came home. He had switched at this point from crystal meth to something more vile, heroin. When he made it home, it was the end of May, we managed to get the fairy to take him across to the Ellwood Offshore Rig, and he got his job. 

 

Rick and I were exhausted, between the children, and constantly being alone in one way or another. Rick took to working day shifts, and I took a night shift job. Jesse was almost one, and Jude not far behind him, we found a nice girl in the building who could watch the kids some, while I went grocery shopping or in the hour gap where I was still at work, and Rick had just headed into work. 

 

A letter came letting us know that Mobil Oil was selling Holly Platform, and that could mean a change in jobs or personal. Neither of us liked the sound of that. We were steady adding more money to the pillow case tucked under Carl’s mattress. Rick was promoted at headquarters to something along the lines of actual detective. I’s workin at a bar at this point. 

 

Merle phoned home regularly, and each time he ended it with something gruff, like was I burnin’ yet or not. The oil rig even left Carl restless, being stuck out on the platform for months on end, with only water around them, and the hope that a storm didn’t knock them over, or god forbid one of the lines have a fault, and the whole damn place blow up. 

 

Guess they musta prayed about it, cause their prayers were answered. When Venoco Oil bought out Mobil, all three of them lost their jobs. Came home with paychecks in hand, and Rick, already aware that Merle had made the wrong kind of friends there, requested a transfer. 

 

Didn’t even cash their paychecks ‘fore we tore outta there. Daryl and Rick with Jude in one truck. Me, Merle and Jesse in one truck. We took what was important - clothes, non-perishable foods, and baby things. Carl was astride the Bonneville, makin Merle’s blood boil.

 

Merle and I talked, really talked as we drove. Rick knew where we were going, but we didn’t, we were just a little convoy, traveling. Realization that soon we might actually have to stay somewhere forever loomed heavy on my mind, and Carl’s. Growing roots was dangerous with Merle. 

 

We ended up Cheyenne, Wyoming. But we didn’t stay long, Rick had been transferred further away that that, we were headed back to Georgia. Cheyenne was housing a festival of sorts when we blew through, Frontier Days, and we loitered watching the ten day rodeo. Enjoying ourselves.

 

Trouble always seemed to find us, and this was no different. A rodeo clown took an unhealthy interest in Daryl, watching his movements. Rick bristled under the collar, when said rodeo clown asked Daryl ta dinner. Daryl turned him down, but the rodeo man kept up, corner’n Daryl and crowdin’ him.

 

Don’t know who snapped frist - Merle or Rick, but the fight that ensued had everyone, including me and the babies, at the police station. Where a big belly’d sheriff told us we was ta leave town, and at once, ‘n never come back. We loaded up and left, on the way outta town we stopped so I could pick up some more disposable cameras, and Merle, he bought enough beer to keep us all drunk for weeks.

 

Athens, Georgia is where we landed, and managed to put a down payment on a rundown southern estate that needed more fixin’ then it was worth. Gave Merle something to do, kept him busy, at least for a while. Rick worked days on the police force, and helped on the house when he was home. Daryl took a job in town, at a garage, and became the manager pretty soon. Daryl was gifted like that. Carl worked nights cleaning the schools. Each of them worked on the house. But me, and Merle, we were the main builders.

 

I put the floor in, was proud of myself, and Merle, he painted the babies rooms first. We patched holes in the roof, repaired the porch. And just like always, Merle got bored. Atlanta was too pretty of a place for him to avoid it, and one night in 1997, right after we found out we was expecting a second child, he snapped.

 

Rick and Carl were at work. Daryl was outside on the ladder working on the window facings, and the two babies were down for a nap, when I came runnin down the stairs to tell Merle we was havin’ another baby, but I clamped my mouth shut, cause had that look in his eyes.

 

Merle musta had friends I didn’t know about around, cause he was higher than a kite in the kitchen, lines of something he was snortin’ in fronta him on the counter, and a wicked grin on his face. The second time Merle broke my nose, it was because I told him about ya, Mathias. 

 

-/-

 

“Did he not want me?” Mathias asked, breaking Meredith's heart. “No, darlin’ he wanted ya, shit, Merle wanted a housefulla kids. He was tripping, and I startled him, shoulda known better after bein’ round him almost eight years, that he was on the verge of something bad… but… never think yer daddy didn’t want either of ya, or love ya, cause he did. God, he loved you boys, wanted to do right by ya, but… Well, you’ll see.”

 

-/-

 

Knocked me on my ass, and tore outta the house. Knocked the ladder over too. Had to rush Daryl to the ER, and make up some dumb story about the ladder falling and Daryl accidently hittin’ me. Daryl had gotten a spare piece of wood, impaled through his shoulder, missed his heart miraculously.

 

When Rick got to the emergency room, he looked worse than we did. His face was drawn, and he looked like he’d been cryin. Rick asked Daryl to marry him, right there in front of everyone - Carl had came as soon as I rushed Daryl, rang him from the hospital, we didn’t have a house phone. Daryl was so happy, he even looked like he would marry Rick right then, if’n the state of Georgia allowed that sorta thing.

 

Then Rick turned his attention to me. “Merle killed someone, he didn’t mean to, but he did.”

 

I just looked at him, open mouthed an’ swollowin’ for air. “What?”

 

“He cut a woman off on his bike, she swerved to miss him, and hit a tree, she’s dead.” Rick looked again like he wanted to cry, we had tried so hard, for so long, to be good, to hide just right. But, it clearly wasn’t workin’ not anymore.

 

Hiding in plain sight was something we thought we had mastered. When they finger printed Merle, a whole world of trouble opened around us. They fingerprinted all of us, and although none of us had been declared dead, we were all considered missing persons. Since we were all over 18 at this point, all the judge could do was insinuate that Merle had kidnapped us, which we all denied. 

 

The day you were born Matty, Merle was sentenced to four years, hard labor, locked away in Atlanta. Weren’t nothin’ we could do about it, no savin’ him. At least he might’a gotten clean. Merle had a way of worming outta jail sentences.

 

We had almost finished the house, when trouble came knocking. Lady showed up, on the doorstep, angry as a mad hatter, yellin about where is Merle Dixon, had a teenage daughter with her, and a baby under her arm.

 

I intercepted the woman, explain’d I’s Merle’s wife and asked what she needed. Told me plain as day, my husband had went and knocked her daughter up. Oh, lord, did I see red. Merle was a master at making women fall into his bed, and mosta that time I only accepted the fact. That was the day I took the damned diamond ring off, and put it in the box, up in the closet.

 

The teenager, name was Cassie, had already named the baby boy, Mathew. She weren’t gonna keep him. Daryl wound his way to me, and said “We’ll take yer baby.” 

 

It was finalized some time after that, and Rick and Daryl were legally the parents of Jude and Mathew. Mathias you were born four months later, and I wouldn’t trade either of you for the world.

 

-/-

 

Hershel was shocked, shit all the others were, but Matthew and Matthias just nodded, eyes on Meredith. “They have known that for a while.” Rick offered after some time. “We should turn in.” Hershel glanced at the moon. “No, daddy, let her finish.” Beth begged. “Please, Rick?” Maggie begged too. “Alright, if yer all ok with stayin’ up late then go on.”

 

-/-

 

Not much to say about the next couple of years in Athens, before Merle got out, Jude and Jesse went to school - I’s so proud of their reading skill, there mouths got us in trouble some. Carl and Daryl took jobs at a garage, Rick was on the force, and I worked at a daycare so Matthew and Matthias could stay there for free.

 

We finished the house, and settled into the idea that this could work. With the kids in school, we couldn’t just bolt again, it didn’t work that way anymore. When Merle was released he joined up with a group of bikers, it was early in 2000 when he was released, and he had no trouble making loud friends. Mathias you were almost four first time ya met your daddy, and I was so proud of ya, cause ya weren’t scared of him, just ran right to him, Matthew on yer heels, and both of ya, huggin’ him real tight. 

 

He noticed my lack of wedding ring right away, and good lord the argument that bounced through the house. Merle had one possession in the whole world that he couldn’t bare to part with - me, and I had one thing I didn’t wanna lose, him. I tried, oh lord I tried to kiss him better, loved him harder then ever, and for a while he was on the straight and narrow.

 

He got a job and was doing real well, but like always something would send him into a back slide, and jail time once more was offered, the first time after it was 3 months. I call uhm the dark years, while all of us worked and did our best to keep life moving forward, the demons and the temptations left behind by William and Jesse Dixon just seemed to hold Merle tighter than anything I could ever do. 

 

I remember the last Christmas he spent with us, Mathias had just turned eight and Jesse was ten, he was drunk and loud and mean, smashing all the plates in the kitchen, caught me up, prayin’ to me, head pressed inta my neck, beggin me to take the evil away, cept I didn’t know how, and he didn’t know how, none of us knew how to fix Merle. Daryl weren’t like him. 

 

That night Merle and I snuggled together in a blanket under the stars, and for a moment I prayed really prayed that the would change his ways, and he would love me. I knew he loved me, but… try to do his best, and really stay clean. Weren’t in the cards though. He loved me like he always did, them him and Rick came to blows in the kitchen the next morning. Daryl was snorting coke in the kitchen, kids eatin’ breakfast, when Rick rolled in. I was in the shower. Their fight busted up the repairs I had done when we first moved into the house, and I’ll be damned if Merle didn’t slam Rick down hard enough he went through the floor and into the crawl space, and Merle was gone.

 

I screamed after him for a while, Carl holdin’ me and whisperin’ in my ear, every little thing would be ok. Daryl the whole time pacin. Rick was the one who finally sent me and Daryl after Merle, cept he was nowhere to be found, even his dealer friends hadn’t seen him.

 

Didn’t see him again until right before the turn, which happened two years after that Christmas, Daryl and I both recognized the bike outside the bar when we were headed back to Athen’s to get Rick, and darted in to pull Merle out. 

 

He kissed me like the sunshine and told me I was the best thing he ever loved. Rubbin’ my hair and all. Then lovin’ up the kids.

 

-/-

 

Tears filled Meredith’s eyes, and she hung her head. “I never put my ring on, once we found the others at the house. We were so rushed. I… In the end I was the one who failed.”

 

The sun was coming up and she was exhausted. Her heart was heavy and tears were running down her tanned face. Rick and Carl drew her up in their arms, Carl rubbing at her hair, and Rick rubbing her back.

 

“Ya ain’t failed me yet, bitch.” The last word had a low resounding huskiness to it, and Meredith whirled out of their arms to see Merle standing beside Daryl, a wicked grin on his face. She flew at him, knocking him down, and pressing into him as if he could absorb her if he tried.

 

“Thought you were dead.” She kissed his face all over.

 

“Thought I’s dead too, went ta Athens, had ta fetch somethin.” Merle was covered in blood and grime but he was digging in his pockets, pulling out a tiny glinting diamond. “Think it’s ‘bout time ya put this shit back on.” He said, grabbing her and pulling her to him in a kiss.

 

“Shit, I love you!” She screamed at him, violence dancing under her skin. “You DUMB WONDERFUL ASSHOLE! You killed the gov’ner then ran home to get my ring?” The words accented with firm hits to his chest.

 

“Nah, darlin’ went home ta get the damn memories, found yer ring in uhm. If’n I was gonna die, I’s gonna die lookin’ at yer pictures, at yer face.” Merle whimpered it out, and she was hugging him even tighter. Rick, Carl, Jesse, Jude, Matthew, and Matthias joined the hug, tears on their faces, even Daryl dropped down to hug at Merle.

 

“So this is what family is.” Daryl laughed, they were all so happy. “What ya’ll been up to, tellin’ stories.”

 

“Well, in another life, I mighta arrested ya.” Shane said with a laugh. “But, I just wanna hug all ya’ll cause you guys would have been what I wanted on the force, tha way you protect each other and do yer best to do right by each other...:”

 

“Shane!” Lori rolled her eyes. “I love you. Thank you for sharing Meri.”

 

Everyone was headed off in different directions, but Hershel was walking towards them. “Think ya ought to put that ring back on, since ya’lls the forever kind too.”


End file.
